Advice Column: How to Handle the Runs on the Run

Yesterday I was cruising through the endowment lands in the right coined "beautiful" British Columbia when I began to feel light to moderate tremors rumbling through the fault lines in my gut. That's right the epicenter was about to be my butt. Before I could make any plans like a drunk in a confessional, it all came out--right into the running shorts. Fortunately me my father was an Eagle scout and somehow endowed me, via genetics, with the Jack Bauer-like skills.

I took the key from my running pocket. Hopped into some of the bushes. Took off my running shorts--they were covered. That's right, I was naked--other than running shoes and a shirt. Using my key I cut the inner liner out of my running shorts thus taking care of most of the excrement. Fortunately it had been raining so I found a leaf that had collected a decent amount of water (this is while I finishing the #2). I dumped the water on the portion of my dirted shorts. Then found some thick moss and scrubbed the poop from the shorts. Then, naturally (no pun), I wiped the douce from the caboose with more of the same moss and went on my run... just without the inner liner. Though I felt a bit gritty and free-flowing (if you catch the drift) it ended up being a decent run, even with the runs.

So, here's the proof that when running up a hill and feeling a potential spill it doesn't have to spell dumps-asster.

Pardon all the grossness.